CVS Lady

destination: cvs, berkeley, smith center (a conversation i had in line at harvard square's cvs)

Can I ask you the time, miss? Oh, 3:35, good, good. 

Do you go to Hahvad? What do you study? 

Computers you said? Ewff. My cousin went to Hahvad too and his seven kids know how to work those apps better than me. Two of them are retarded and they still know how to work ‘em better than me. 

I went to BU. Some people say BU is harder than Hahvad you know. I got a D on my last term paper. To hell with that professor. He ended up getting double scoliosis like me, anyway. I studied early child development and psych rehab. I still work in rehab. 

Doctors tell patients that they’re manic depressive or alcoholic but in rehab you say “this person has manic depression” or “this person has alcoholism.” It’s more humanizing. 

Do you go to Berklee? What instrument do you play? 

Is Berkeley in California? Where in California is it? Are you from California? Where in California? My sister lived in Napa Valley for some time. She was never there for the wildfires or any earthquakes. I wouldn’t be able to stand an earthquake, are ya kidding me? 

Do you play chess? I used to play Andre, the chessmaster, and I won by default. He just got up and ran away with his set – I thought his wife died or something. He used to be the best chess teacher before the pandemic. I haven’t seen him in a while though. Billie, that’s the Black guy, he’s a chessmaster too. Some people call themselves masters but they’re not really. Billie is a real one. He’s good.

I’m supposed to go play tomorrow with Barat. You know Barat? He’s from Nepal but he’s Indian. His parents are Hindu. He’s just so hard to play, he’s just so relaxed you know? Now, I do transcendental meditation but he’s different. Just so relaxed. Once I asked him if he could guess how much I weighed and he said 165 pounds. I’m not that heavy! But that’s what I get for asking a skinny little guy to guess. I gotta lay off the donuts. 

What’s your name? Oh, Caroline, Caroline Kennedy. When I first met Barat, I thought he said Barack, like Barack Obama. And I said, oh, I love Obama! But he’s Barat. I gotta shut my mouth sometimes.

The other day I was at Smith and had to use the bathroom and they told me to go upstairs and there were like 30 people in line. So I went to Felipe’s, which is just a beautiful building. I want to be an architect. There’s just something about buildings that make you feel so calm you know? 

Pot makes me feel calm. But it makes me so hungry. I feel like I’m back in college! Munchies, you said? It’s called the munchies? 

I just wish that the Smith people wouldn’t be so angry about homeless people. Aw, the homeless, the homeless, they keep saying. But all we’re doing is playing chess. 

Oh, you’re up next!